God has taken away my hope and dream yesterday...and it made me sad the whole day. After watching a sad movie, it worsen my mood. Cried out the whole day and I'm mentally prepared for the worst to come.
In my heart, I have accepted it as a failure. It made me think through the whole day, what should I do to face the reality...Finally, I'm able to tell myself to accept the truth. If it is going to be a failure, I will continue with 2nd attempt of IVF. But hopefully Dr Lau and myself learnt from the 1st cycle, and it will be better for the next try. Before I kick start the 2nd attempt of IVF, hope we can try naturally too.
This morning to my surprise, my temperature rose to 36.77 degree at the usual 8 am. I woke up earlier today and realised it was not time to measure yet, so out of curiosity I try measuring my temperature 1st, and it was 36.68 degree initially. This was the same as previous days before the drop. Today, I had my highest temperature ever since the past week. I'm not sure if I have done it accurately because I have already waken up earlier before I took the 2nd time at 8am.
Now God has given me back something....which is a little HOPE by increasing my temperature today- a good sign for conceiving. Though there is a little light, but still I don't want to pin my hope too high. I believe some of my body reaction is due to the medication. Today I still don't feel much symptom and my bloatedness has gone since yesterday, same for my breast soreness.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
星守之犬
Whenever I watched movie related to dog, the end story will always be sad... And it will defintely put me in emotional mode.
Out of boredom, I choose to watch "星守之犬". Its about how loyal this shiba inu is and he guard against his master even when he is dead. This doggy was brought into the family by this old man's daughter. When she grown up, she starts to push responsibility to her dad for taking care of the dog. From then on, this dog follows this old man wherever he goes.
His wife choose to divorce him and left with his daughter. He was left with "Happi", the dog's name. This old man lost his job and he has no money to stay in his house. He travels round with Happi in his old van and spend whatever he has left. One fine day, when he was buying food at a convenient store, he saw a little boy who was dressed shabbily and dirty stealing a bun. He stopped him and pay for his food. This little boy follows this old man for a while but when this old man says he wants to send him home, the next day he steals all his money and left.
This old man was left with nothing, and he was not sad but worried for this boy. He continued his journey with Happi to wherever he can. Now that he was left with no money, when Happi was sick he has to sell off his own properties in exchange for money to treat Happi.
Happi was well again, and he continues his journey with his master. This old man knew that his engine oil is coming to an end and he needs to find a place where he and Happi can stay till the end. He didn't even have money to buy medication for himself for controlling his heart problem. He drove Happi to a deep forest and decided to stay there for good. They managed to find food which was packed by others for BBQ, he set up a firecamp near to his van and had his fill.
It's getting colder and colder and snowing heavily. Old man was suffering in pain and Happi has been finding food for his owner and bring it back to him. Till one day, old man knew his day is coming to an end, and asked Happi not to bring food to him anymore. Happi saw how weak his master is and he quickly ran out of forest and found food for him, Old man was happy to see Happi for the last time and he released him and asked him to go find somewhere he wants to stay.
Old man passed away, Happi continued to stay by his side and fetch food for him and place by his side. There's one day, he saw a family doing BBQ and it brings back his memory of his own family who brought him up. He went nearer to them, and they turned very hostile to him and threw a brick at him, It hits on his head and he bled. He quickly turned back to the forest and went back to his master with a crippled leg and blood still flowing down from his head. He rested by his master's side and he passed away too...
Everytime after watching such story, I will tell myself to treasure Mickey even more... I will make sure he can lead a happy and memorable life. I cried and hold Mickey when I watched the part when Happi was bullied.
Dogs are so loyal and they are human's best friend and companion!
Out of boredom, I choose to watch "星守之犬". Its about how loyal this shiba inu is and he guard against his master even when he is dead. This doggy was brought into the family by this old man's daughter. When she grown up, she starts to push responsibility to her dad for taking care of the dog. From then on, this dog follows this old man wherever he goes.
His wife choose to divorce him and left with his daughter. He was left with "Happi", the dog's name. This old man lost his job and he has no money to stay in his house. He travels round with Happi in his old van and spend whatever he has left. One fine day, when he was buying food at a convenient store, he saw a little boy who was dressed shabbily and dirty stealing a bun. He stopped him and pay for his food. This little boy follows this old man for a while but when this old man says he wants to send him home, the next day he steals all his money and left.
This old man was left with nothing, and he was not sad but worried for this boy. He continued his journey with Happi to wherever he can. Now that he was left with no money, when Happi was sick he has to sell off his own properties in exchange for money to treat Happi.
Happi was well again, and he continues his journey with his master. This old man knew that his engine oil is coming to an end and he needs to find a place where he and Happi can stay till the end. He didn't even have money to buy medication for himself for controlling his heart problem. He drove Happi to a deep forest and decided to stay there for good. They managed to find food which was packed by others for BBQ, he set up a firecamp near to his van and had his fill.
It's getting colder and colder and snowing heavily. Old man was suffering in pain and Happi has been finding food for his owner and bring it back to him. Till one day, old man knew his day is coming to an end, and asked Happi not to bring food to him anymore. Happi saw how weak his master is and he quickly ran out of forest and found food for him, Old man was happy to see Happi for the last time and he released him and asked him to go find somewhere he wants to stay.
Old man passed away, Happi continued to stay by his side and fetch food for him and place by his side. There's one day, he saw a family doing BBQ and it brings back his memory of his own family who brought him up. He went nearer to them, and they turned very hostile to him and threw a brick at him, It hits on his head and he bled. He quickly turned back to the forest and went back to his master with a crippled leg and blood still flowing down from his head. He rested by his master's side and he passed away too...
Everytime after watching such story, I will tell myself to treasure Mickey even more... I will make sure he can lead a happy and memorable life. I cried and hold Mickey when I watched the part when Happi was bullied.
Dogs are so loyal and they are human's best friend and companion!
Day 7 post transfer
Sad...another dip in temperature today, and it dip by 0.9 degree celcius to 36.6 which is way much lower than day 5pt (36.64). Realised my breasts not as sore and size have reduced and no cramps since this morning. Is this going to be a bad sign indicating my success rate is low and not possible to be pregnant?
Have read in internet, but there is no evidence that shows dip in temperature twice is good or bad signs. Well, cross my fingers...if my temperature didn't pick up tomorrow, I can confirm this cycle is a failed one. =(
Well...I'm in deep thoughts just now thinking what I should do If my IVF fails this time...
Should I continue with a 2nd time or believe in what the fortune tellers have told us that it is unlikely we can have children and give up? Really don't know... If what the fortune tellers told us is true, then I will never get any children no matter how hard I try. SO it will be a waste of effort, time and $$ on treatments. We have already wasted a lot of $$ and still no results.... really devastating...
Having a child is so tough for us...I know it is not important for Dear as he thinks this is all fated. But it took me so long to realise what he said is true...its fated we couldn't have children....*Cry*
I have lost hope....
Have read in internet, but there is no evidence that shows dip in temperature twice is good or bad signs. Well, cross my fingers...if my temperature didn't pick up tomorrow, I can confirm this cycle is a failed one. =(
Well...I'm in deep thoughts just now thinking what I should do If my IVF fails this time...
Should I continue with a 2nd time or believe in what the fortune tellers have told us that it is unlikely we can have children and give up? Really don't know... If what the fortune tellers told us is true, then I will never get any children no matter how hard I try. SO it will be a waste of effort, time and $$ on treatments. We have already wasted a lot of $$ and still no results.... really devastating...
Having a child is so tough for us...I know it is not important for Dear as he thinks this is all fated. But it took me so long to realise what he said is true...its fated we couldn't have children....*Cry*
I have lost hope....
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Day 5 Post Transfer
Starts to lost hope since yesterday as I don't get to feel much symptoms
after wednesday evening. During my journey to school, while I was standing in
the MRT, I started to feel strong twinge of pain on my left side of abdomen.
While I feel the pain, in my heart was smiling....cos it could be a good sign. It lasted quite long, till my lab practical lesson almost ended.
We are told to do lung test for each of us and it requires one to exert large force to do the test. I told my group mates and lecturer that I am exempted from doing strenuous exercise and this is considered so. I felt so pai seh as I don't know what to explain to the rest but there is one of my group mate who understands my situation.
On the next day, Thursday morning, I felt a little pulling sensation from the middle of abdomen along the navel and after that it eased. And for the rest of the day, I don't get to feel anything. It's really demoralising. =(
Today, I woke up expecting my temperature to rise but it dipped. From the internet, I remembered that 5 DPT is the day where embies starts to implant into uterus so I should be expecting some cramps or an increased in my temperature if it is successful. But I could be wrong, so what's the symptom about on the 3 DPT?
Well, I have started to feel a little depressed and tears over little things. Lots of things run wild in my mind. Even when I'm watching some documentary show about those young entrepreneurs doing some charity, I feel sad for those kids in unfortunate countries and start to tear again. I know I'm a cry baby...this can't be help. I have been emotional once again, wonder is it due to the progestrone pills I'm having.
Now while I'm typing this blog, I could feel a little cramp on my abdomen for a few sec. Hope it's a good sign though... =)
These few days, I have been revising for my test today. Hope it will not affect my implantation process...I'm not putting in 100% effort for this revision as I don't want to over stress myself also. Well as what my sister told me, what's important is my IVF to be successful. If test has failed can retest, but to re-do the IVF treatment again is another big sum of money and great pain. Not WOrth!
Now I have poured everything out to this blog, I feel much lighter now. I won't want to think so much about the progress of my IVF now and let natural take its course. Hope I can do it, its easy to say than do!
I know GOD will make the best decision for me!
Ok time for me to revise for test now!
We are told to do lung test for each of us and it requires one to exert large force to do the test. I told my group mates and lecturer that I am exempted from doing strenuous exercise and this is considered so. I felt so pai seh as I don't know what to explain to the rest but there is one of my group mate who understands my situation.
On the next day, Thursday morning, I felt a little pulling sensation from the middle of abdomen along the navel and after that it eased. And for the rest of the day, I don't get to feel anything. It's really demoralising. =(
Today, I woke up expecting my temperature to rise but it dipped. From the internet, I remembered that 5 DPT is the day where embies starts to implant into uterus so I should be expecting some cramps or an increased in my temperature if it is successful. But I could be wrong, so what's the symptom about on the 3 DPT?
Well, I have started to feel a little depressed and tears over little things. Lots of things run wild in my mind. Even when I'm watching some documentary show about those young entrepreneurs doing some charity, I feel sad for those kids in unfortunate countries and start to tear again. I know I'm a cry baby...this can't be help. I have been emotional once again, wonder is it due to the progestrone pills I'm having.
Now while I'm typing this blog, I could feel a little cramp on my abdomen for a few sec. Hope it's a good sign though... =)
These few days, I have been revising for my test today. Hope it will not affect my implantation process...I'm not putting in 100% effort for this revision as I don't want to over stress myself also. Well as what my sister told me, what's important is my IVF to be successful. If test has failed can retest, but to re-do the IVF treatment again is another big sum of money and great pain. Not WOrth!
Now I have poured everything out to this blog, I feel much lighter now. I won't want to think so much about the progress of my IVF now and let natural take its course. Hope I can do it, its easy to say than do!
I know GOD will make the best decision for me!
Ok time for me to revise for test now!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
2 Weeks Waiting
The most agony part of the process is the 2 weeks waiting for the result. Have yet to experience any symptom and today is the 1st day past egg tranfer. The 2 embryos which are fertilized are of grade 4 which are considered good, grade 5 is the best. The rest of the 10 eggs didn't managed to fertilized and they are considered bad qualities. Quite dissapointing but luckily there are enough of good embryos for transfer and I think i'm lucky.
I'm on utrogestran to support the womb lining. I have read that it helps thicken the walls of the womb so that the chances for the embies to implant on the wall would be higher.
Hope I can fulfill my wish and dreams this time! Praying hard...
Oh Yup, Dear's MRI scan shows that he is fine and no growth found in brain. So even Dr Lau couldn't explain why his Prolactin level is high. It could be due to his irregular sleep hours which cause this to raise. As usual, Dr Matthew Lau was so anxious to report us the result after he enter the theathre. Dear joke about him, he must be his god dad otherwise he won't be so concern about him...haa
I'm on utrogestran to support the womb lining. I have read that it helps thicken the walls of the womb so that the chances for the embies to implant on the wall would be higher.
Hope I can fulfill my wish and dreams this time! Praying hard...
Oh Yup, Dear's MRI scan shows that he is fine and no growth found in brain. So even Dr Lau couldn't explain why his Prolactin level is high. It could be due to his irregular sleep hours which cause this to raise. As usual, Dr Matthew Lau was so anxious to report us the result after he enter the theathre. Dear joke about him, he must be his god dad otherwise he won't be so concern about him...haa
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Egg Retrival Day
Early morning, we both has a mission ahead. Dear has an appointment for MRI and me for the Egg Retrival procedure.
When I was at KKIVF, nurse briefed me on the process I will be going through and also to ensure that I am following their instructions before the surgery starts.
When I was lying down on the bed in the theatre room, Dr Matthew Lau came in not long after. As usual he is still so concerned about my husband and his 1st question when he saw me was to ask if my hus has booked for the MRI scan. Really makes me wonder how it would benefit him by following up on my hus case or he is really a caring doctor? I hope he belongs to the latter and I feel comfortable with him being my gynae.
After the oxygen mask was on me, the next moment I found myself awake on the resting lounge bed. At that moment I am wondering how's my eggs? Not long after, a senior nurse came in and pass me a cup of milo, after that I am ready to go home. I have slept there for 3 hours and I can't seem to remember anything. The nurse updated me my progress, they have retrieved 12 eggs in total but not sure if the eggs are of good or bad qualities.
I'm scheduled on friday for the embryo transfer. I hope all eggs are good and they are able to fertilized well.
Excited!!!
When I was at KKIVF, nurse briefed me on the process I will be going through and also to ensure that I am following their instructions before the surgery starts.
When I was lying down on the bed in the theatre room, Dr Matthew Lau came in not long after. As usual he is still so concerned about my husband and his 1st question when he saw me was to ask if my hus has booked for the MRI scan. Really makes me wonder how it would benefit him by following up on my hus case or he is really a caring doctor? I hope he belongs to the latter and I feel comfortable with him being my gynae.
After the oxygen mask was on me, the next moment I found myself awake on the resting lounge bed. At that moment I am wondering how's my eggs? Not long after, a senior nurse came in and pass me a cup of milo, after that I am ready to go home. I have slept there for 3 hours and I can't seem to remember anything. The nurse updated me my progress, they have retrieved 12 eggs in total but not sure if the eggs are of good or bad qualities.
I'm scheduled on friday for the embryo transfer. I hope all eggs are good and they are able to fertilized well.
Excited!!!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Day 10 - Pregnyl Injection
Was overly worried if I have ovulated. Saw some mucus discharge while wipping off with some toliet tissue yesterday. I have read online, and found some others having the same encounter as me and they tested positive for ovulation.
This morning while I was at KKH for progesterone blood test, I highlighted to the nurse about my concern and they did another test for me just to test the LH level to see if I have ovulated.
Luckily, the result is negative and I have not ovulate. Phew...was so worried and paranoid, afraid that my plan will not be successful this time.
Just went for pregnyl injection at their 24 hr O&G clinic, this is to start the ovulation so that the eggs are ready for collection on wednesday.
This morning while I was at KKH for progesterone blood test, I highlighted to the nurse about my concern and they did another test for me just to test the LH level to see if I have ovulated.
Luckily, the result is negative and I have not ovulate. Phew...was so worried and paranoid, afraid that my plan will not be successful this time.
Just went for pregnyl injection at their 24 hr O&G clinic, this is to start the ovulation so that the eggs are ready for collection on wednesday.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Day 7, 2nd Ultrasound Review
More follicles were found and the largest detected was 14.5mm. Today I get to meet Dr Matthew Lau, and was surprised I'm meeting him today. He looked serious when he asked me about Dear's condition and he even asked if he has decided to go for the MRI scan. After his question, I knew he was very concern over his condition cos he says it would affect his health and should be treated fast. Out of so many doctors or gynaes I have seen, he is the most caring doctor I ever met. He could easily brush aside this patient cos it is not going to affect any of his fertility treatment anyway. From the 1st time when he called to follow-up with my hus and now his concern with his condition, I truely believe I am lucky to have him as my gynae and I am satisfied with his service.
He mentioned to me that it is best for Dear to go for the scan to rule out the cause of the problem for his prolactin level. Most likely could be tumor but it could also be due to stress which cause this hormone to be high. If it is tumor at least it is detected earlier and treatment can be given to prevent it from getting worse. I agree with him, and he even initiate to book the appt for dear knowing that he will not do it fast as he has already been dragging for too long. So he suggested him to do the scan at KKH, if there is anything found he got to go TTSH for further follow-up.
He mentioned that my result was good, he aimed for me to have 3 matured follicles with about 16mm size. By wednesday I'm able to proceed with Egg Retrieval and from that day onwards I will be on 2 weeks Hospital Leave. Egg Transfer will be 2 days from wednesday which is Friday or Saturday.
Now I'm feeling lots of twitching pains in my tummy....eggs grow grow grow!!
Hope everything goes well! =)
He mentioned to me that it is best for Dear to go for the scan to rule out the cause of the problem for his prolactin level. Most likely could be tumor but it could also be due to stress which cause this hormone to be high. If it is tumor at least it is detected earlier and treatment can be given to prevent it from getting worse. I agree with him, and he even initiate to book the appt for dear knowing that he will not do it fast as he has already been dragging for too long. So he suggested him to do the scan at KKH, if there is anything found he got to go TTSH for further follow-up.
He mentioned that my result was good, he aimed for me to have 3 matured follicles with about 16mm size. By wednesday I'm able to proceed with Egg Retrieval and from that day onwards I will be on 2 weeks Hospital Leave. Egg Transfer will be 2 days from wednesday which is Friday or Saturday.
Now I'm feeling lots of twitching pains in my tummy....eggs grow grow grow!!
Hope everything goes well! =)
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Day 1 Review after 3 days of Puregon
Went for my 1st review after the puregon jabs. 10 follicles were found in both side of my ovaries and 2 of them are of larger sizes of 8.5mm and 9mm which means it will trigger my ovulation anytime.
I'm given another type of jab to stop the ovulation from happening. So from tomorrow onwards, I will be taking two jabs till thurs before I go for my second review on Friday.
I'm given another type of jab to stop the ovulation from happening. So from tomorrow onwards, I will be taking two jabs till thurs before I go for my second review on Friday.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Day 2 of Puregon Jab/ Day 3 Menses
These two days, I felt really lethargic and I even knock out into deep sleep with dreams,
I wonder if it is the side effect of Puregon jabs. I read online, every individual has different symptoms from the jabs and tiredness is one of them. It happened when I'm not working or just relaxing around. Had some mild cramps at the abdominal side every now and then, but not as bad as Day 1. The feeling seems to get lesser during Day 2. Wonder if my follicles are increasing enough with just 150 IU of puregon per day. Didn't had much side effects after all.
Excited to know the results on Tuesday during the scan.
I wonder if it is the side effect of Puregon jabs. I read online, every individual has different symptoms from the jabs and tiredness is one of them. It happened when I'm not working or just relaxing around. Had some mild cramps at the abdominal side every now and then, but not as bad as Day 1. The feeling seems to get lesser during Day 2. Wonder if my follicles are increasing enough with just 150 IU of puregon per day. Didn't had much side effects after all.
Excited to know the results on Tuesday during the scan.
Friday, June 8, 2012
1st Ultrasound and Puregon Jab
Today is my Day 2 of menses, had my 1st ultrasound scan and result was not bad. My lining is fine and there were 2 follicles found. o.0
I was taught by the nurse on how to administer myself with the Puregon. It was much easier than I thought, and there is not much pain. The after feeling is just like ant bites for a few mins and after that it subsides. After her demonstration, I did once for myself today.
The dosage for the 1st 3 days: 150 IU/Day
The next follow-up will be 3 days later for ultrasound scan for the numbers of follicles.
The equipments for Puregon Jab.
I was taught by the nurse on how to administer myself with the Puregon. It was much easier than I thought, and there is not much pain. The after feeling is just like ant bites for a few mins and after that it subsides. After her demonstration, I did once for myself today.
The dosage for the 1st 3 days: 150 IU/Day
The next follow-up will be 3 days later for ultrasound scan for the numbers of follicles.
Tomorrow is the day...Start of IVF treatment
Full flow of menses this morning which is considered day 1 of menses, and immediately I called the hospital and
informed the nurse. I waited patiently for the nurse to return call to me to
inform me on the next move.
Finally about 3.30pm, she called me to inform me that I can go down to KKH tomorrow to do ultrasound scan and at the same time to start my daily injection. I'm suppose to inject Elonva which could last me for the next 7 days (Newly Invented), but she told me the stocks have not arrive and asked me if I wanted to stay put with Puregon which I need to inject myself every day. If I decide to wait for Elonva Jabs, then the only choice is to postpone my treatment which I find it ridiculous.
My colleague feels that I should stay put with the Puregon Jabs as it has been used in the market for so long, and nothing could go wrong. After listening to her, I feel what she says is quite true.
I'm excited for the start of my treatment!
Finally about 3.30pm, she called me to inform me that I can go down to KKH tomorrow to do ultrasound scan and at the same time to start my daily injection. I'm suppose to inject Elonva which could last me for the next 7 days (Newly Invented), but she told me the stocks have not arrive and asked me if I wanted to stay put with Puregon which I need to inject myself every day. If I decide to wait for Elonva Jabs, then the only choice is to postpone my treatment which I find it ridiculous.
My colleague feels that I should stay put with the Puregon Jabs as it has been used in the market for so long, and nothing could go wrong. After listening to her, I feel what she says is quite true.
I'm excited for the start of my treatment!
Monday, June 4, 2012
Exciting week! Waiting for IVF to start
This week is going to be an exciting week...and it is also first ever that I am hoping for my menses to come soon.
Once my mense starts, I should be starting with the 1st part of the injection which is meant to be an antagonist. Luckily, what I am going through now is a new type of injection which could last me for about a week without a need to inject on myself. But after that, I have to continue to inject myself with puregon which I am most fearful of. This will last for another 5 - 7 days before I could proceed to do ER.
Once my mense starts, I should be starting with the 1st part of the injection which is meant to be an antagonist. Luckily, what I am going through now is a new type of injection which could last me for about a week without a need to inject on myself. But after that, I have to continue to inject myself with puregon which I am most fearful of. This will last for another 5 - 7 days before I could proceed to do ER.
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